The Mannikin with the Kaleidoscope Mind
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| Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 | | 2:47 pm |
I have decided to delete this journal and start over from scratch. Plain and simply, this journal is no longer true to who I am. I have changed so much, and want a journal that really shows that. My new Livejournal ID is Leananaquarius if anyone wants to friend me there and join me. I can't promise daily updates, or anything Shakespearian, but that's fine by me. Also, if anyone wants to email me, just shoot a letter to leananaquarius(at)gmail(dot)com Current Music: "Neirika" by Dead Can Dance | | Tuesday, June 17th, 2008 | | 3:42 pm |
| | Saturday, May 31st, 2008 | | 7:56 pm |
The last couple weeks have been major tests in patience. It's been utterly nerve-wracking to say the least, but it's also been fun in it's own respects. I'll keep it short for those who don't want to read it all. If you, do well, take a peek ^_^ ( Updates: the long and the longer of it all ) Current Mood:  okayCurrent Music: "Hit Me Hard (club mix)" by Noisuf-X | | Thursday, May 15th, 2008 | | 12:32 pm |
*eyes the cobwebs... gets out the feather duster*
*eyes last entry* oookaaaaaay, better late then never when it comes to new writing. These days life goes on.. Pretty well, actually. I'm fairly pleased. I'm getting to a better place mentally and spiritually then I've ever been in my life. Not to say that I'm not still a hair on the depressive side, but I'm universes away from where I've been in recent years (as is evidenced by my livejournal over the last while. *sigh* -_-) I think I've actually grown up and finally become an adult :P And you know what? It's not as hopeless and alien an experience as I thought it would be. It's more a feeling of "Oh.. This is it, huh?.. Cool! I can work with this!" Revelation, I suppose. These last few years, but especially the 2007-2008 period, have been great for that it seems. Things have gotten easier since it finally occurred to me that I am allowed to be happy. I tried to find happiness before, but it's not something you really find. It's something you.. for lack of better term, it's something you REMEMBER. Something at the core of yourself that you have to contact and revitalize. It used to be a struggle to hold onto happiness before, but that was because I didn't give truly give myself or anyone the benefit of the doubt. And the best part? No more feeling the need to apologize for every. little. thing. Still nervous but eh, Rome wasn't built in a day. Hmm.. Happy things in Life... OOOH!!!! Yes! Living in the Muse is going BEAUTIFULLY these days. It's still experiencing the growing pains every new game goes through, but the player base is gradually growing and the level of enthusiasm and communication is high all around. Everyone gets to contribute to the plot mix, and it's only going to get better and better as time goes on. Even I have a couple plots in the mix. It's great. ^_^ I'm glad to be able to help out with storytelling. It's a nice change of pace, plus it's helped give me a new drive for RP in other games as well. I'm having a blast in OWBN in particular. Still trying to find Galatea's niche, but lately she's been bonding with a couple folks here and there, so that's kind of cool. And meanwhile, she only gets bigger and bigger.. *attempts evil laugh, but sneezes instead*... I am so not evil :P but anyways.... I got up the courage to leave Wendy's behind. Quit them the first day of April (didn't realize I'd done so until after the fact, but eh.) and while it sucks to be broke, the fact that the paycheck is the only thing I miss tells me it was the right move to make. I need a place in my life that's going to help me build myself up, not tear away at me at a time when I need it the least. The relationship between Mom and I has never been better. We've talked a lot in depth about things that have happened, and new information came out to me that puts things into major perspective on both our ends. I won't go into major specifics here out of courtesy for her, but.. yeah, let's just say that when she was growing up, she definitely wasn't living the American Dream. There was a lot of bitterness and mistrust between us when I came back to Bloomington, but now we're.. well, we're truly friends again. She'll always be my mom and I'll always be her daughter, but now we're friends again. While we were living apart, we both realizing we had been blaming each other for a lot of the unhappiness in each of our lives. She's re-established her bond with God again ("I'm a believer." she said. "You call call it whatever you want, God, Buddha, Allah. Me, I just say I believe.") and me?.. well, I've got no idea what I've found yet, but I like it. But enough about me. How are all of you out in Internet land? It's been a while since I've heard from most folks. What's going on with all of you these days? ^_^ Current Mood:  awakeCurrent Music: "Everything is Everything" by Beats and Styles | | Thursday, January 3rd, 2008 | | 10:11 pm |
| | Sunday, February 4th, 2007 | | 2:45 am |
*looks around* *straps on a Hazmat suit* *clears out the cobwebs* It's been a while, admittedly. Been a VERY long while.. Time passed me by. Blinked and months... just... gone... Blink and the old year was gone, and I woke up from the fog just in time to see the next one emerge. And while I was looking back over my own shoulders, sinking back into that worn-to-hell routine, Life came up to kick me in the ass. On January 22nd, I became homeless. I had been living with my mother, believing her when she said we were a family, a pair, a team. She showed me in one evening just how fleeting anything in Life truly is. Friends, Family, nothing can be counted on to last forever. Eventually, everyone has to find their own way in the world. A part of me hates her for turning her back on me so suddenly and easily, and is resentful of her for her overwhelming hypocrisy. All my life, she has taught me that Family sticks by each other no matter what, and yet in one day she all but disowns me over an imagined offense. on the other hand, another part of me is infinitely relieved to finally be away from her; I had not realized just how much stress our relationship was causing for both of us until we were finally apart. I am also grateful for the good times we've had here and there, and especially off in the past. Maybe one day we can have that loving relationship again, perhaps for real. But in the meanwhile, she and I need to learn what it means to live our own lives. Anyways, enough of all that. Time to regale the eager (yeah, right) masses with my adventures thus far: I spent a few days living over at the hotels next to Legends (sleazy redneck/amateur-strip bar for non-B-towners) with myself, Michael (a friend who helped me pack when I was thrown out), Kevin/Gabriel (student/friend of mine), and two other guys Kevin/Gabe knew. One room, one bed, a tv and a bathroom. Paper-thin walls, roaches, the whole stereotype, but at least the cable TV worked. It was actually quite a bit of fun, all things considered. We were never want for conversation, and rarely want for entertainment. A day or so after I was thrown out, the guys and I made a plan to start a community house. A tiny part of me is hoping that will come true, but I have my doubts now; once the week was up and we couldn't get together 140 bucks for a second week at the hotel, we had to divide off. Kevin/Gabe went off with Shane and Mike (the two other prospective housemates), and Michael and I wound up moving in with my boss Missy and her two teenagers. I had been working for Missy (also the mother of Kevin/Gabe) for about a month helping take care of her daughter Meghan (who has minor learning disabilities, along with MAJOR lying/manipulation/narcissism issues) and her son Keith (Fragile X syndrome, mid-range Autism, and MAJOR control issues; the old phrase "my way or the highway" comes to mind..), so she has came to trust me a bit. Things have been mostly at a stand-still along those lines since. I will keep working my ass off until I find a second job (and Missy gets in an adequate situation to finally pay me everything she owes me for my current job), and get up the money to get myself set up and properly on my way. This last couple weeks has shown me that all my life, I have never truly had anything (well, except for Warcraft, and even that has exceptions..) that I could really call my own. I am ready, COMPLETELY ready, to start making my life begin. But that still doesn't change the fact that I am still fucking terrified... Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: "Anatomy" by Combichrist | | Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006 | | 11:17 am |
And just so he doesn't think i forgot: HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY MOONZIE!!!! Current Mood:  Happy for my buddy!! WOOT!!! | | Thursday, April 27th, 2006 | | 9:05 pm |
Just a brief update: School is nearly out for summer, so I can start to have more of a social life. During the next week or two, as things wrap up, I'll start re-engaging again. For this week and maybe the next, bear with me if I am not around or responsive. Please don't give up on me. Thank you. Current Mood:  exhaustedCurrent Music: "Happy Fucking Birthday" by Combichrist | | Tuesday, April 11th, 2006 | | 12:16 pm |
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I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Seeks the determination and elasticity of will nec..."
Click here to read the rest of the results.
| If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. It's been a rough few weeks in many respects, which is 85% my own fault and 100% deserved, but a good few weeks in others. I'll do what I can to get myself presentable for Conchordia thursday, but not if I am going to be a downer again. It's touch-and-go, same as it has been for years, but the return of (semi)stable weather should help. Edit: Also, if you haven't done the Meme on the entry ebfore this one, please do so. Current Mood:  blahCurrent Music: "This shit will fuck you up" by Combichrist | | Tuesday, March 28th, 2006 | | 10:57 am |
Ask me a question about each of the following: 1. Friends 2. Sex 3. Music 4. Drugs 5. Love 6. LiveJournal 7. Other (open ended) ...no matter how rude, sexual, or confidential... just ask it! Then post this in your journal and see what questions you get asked! | | Tuesday, March 14th, 2006 | | 2:02 pm |
So.... things are going well. School is hectic. I am worried for that, but what is the point?... I am looking forward to it now, rather then dreading it. I still have apprehension, but I will get over it. Relationships are going well. I am glad for that. Gaming is going GREAT: *Had my second game as Caduceus, who goofed up in a big way and accepted Ecstacy from a Follower of Set. Strangers have the best candy. *Clarissa is gone, possibly for good. It was a very quiet scene, and granted a lot of closure. I am thankful for that... *At this upcoming game, I will be (once again) playing Galatea. But she is going to undergo a few MAJOR changes first. DEFINITELY not as much of the fluffy-baby girl routine I was acting out before. And that is all it was for Galatea; an ACT. I would definitely like to play out more of the performer with her this time around. I am exploding with ideas, but is getting a stable backhistory written that is proving to be The Suck. Everything up to the night she met her sire is a blank; beyond that, easy peasy. Oh well. Life is going to be taking a strange turn. I have until the first week of May to get a job and find a new place to live. How I feel about it is irrelevent; it just needs to happen. Still backing off socially a bit. It is just more courteous to others right now to leave them be. That is about it for now. Call me if you want tot alk, or find me online. Current Music: "Scarborough Faire" sang by the Gregorian singers | | Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006 | | 9:38 am |
It's been popping up like dandelions in the front yard. And from what I have seen of it, a lot of folks have been, to varying degrees, helped out by it. Johari and Nohari windows. Will you all help me out with mine? It can be done anonymously, and even if you do put down a recognizeable name, I won't care. Really. So..... Help me? http://kevan.org/johari?name=eyesofaquariushttp://kevan.org/nohari?name=eyesofaquarius Current Mood:  Please don't make me beg.Current Music: Nightwish's cover of "Phantom of the Opera" | | Monday, February 20th, 2006 | | 12:34 pm |
| | Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 | | 11:58 am |
| | Wednesday, February 8th, 2006 | | 10:54 am |
Nothing much in particular to update.. I'll most likely just ramble a bit, so if you're interested.. ( Read more... ) Current Mood:  MixedCurrent Music: Various songs by Combichrist...mmm.... industrial goodness.. | | Sunday, January 29th, 2006 | | 4:34 pm |
| | Wednesday, December 14th, 2005 | | 6:15 am |
Taken from D_C_M
The 7 Songs Thing List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LJ along with your seven songs, if you want to. Otherwise, don't. Unlike chain letters, this meme does not threaten you with bad luck, misfortune, impotence or explosive flatulence if you don't do it. (these were just the first 7 to appear in my collection, but I like them all and spin them frequently these days) 1. Angel- Massive Attack 2. Dunya- Niyaz 3. Golbar- Niyaz 4. Rite of Shiva- Machines of Loving Grace 5. God wrapped in Plastic- Combichrist 6. Hicksville- Celtic Cross 7. Dragula (hot rod herman remix)- Rob Zombie Right.... So it's Finals week. And it can't be over fast enough. More on the situation when it's over, because while foresight is blind, hindsight is always crystal clear. | | Wednesday, December 7th, 2005 | | 12:39 pm |
 Oh Great Cthulhu!I have been an extremely industrious devotee this year. In May, I called down the wrath of Yog-Sothoth upon ![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) ellegua (65 points). In December, I made a burnt offering to the Dead Dreamer (100 points). In February, I prepared an ocean voyage to R'lyeh (200 points). When the stars were right, I fed yakkorat to a Shoggoth (250 points). In September, I sacrificed lillornyn to Cthulhu (500 points). In October, I exposed tooth_and_claw to soul-rending horrors (250 points). In short, I have been very good (1365 points) and deserve to be eaten first. Your humble and obedient servant, eyesofaquariusSubmit your own plea to Cthulhu! | | Monday, November 21st, 2005 | | 11:12 am |
An actual entry will come later, when I have the words I want to put down. But in the meanwhile, I have a question for [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-user=>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] An actual entry will come later, when I have the words I want to put down. But in the meanwhile, I have a question for <lj-user= "d_c_m"> When will the rest of the entries for <a href="http://www.margaretsworld.com/changeling/changeling-characters.htm">this page</a> be updated? I was looking at this and now I'm curious to see the other entries. | | Friday, November 11th, 2005 | | 7:15 pm |
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, even if we talk every day, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. |
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